


Holy Oil

by solarlotus



Series: Bedtime Stories Collection [1]
Category: The Last Kingdom (TV), The Warrior Chronicles | The Saxon Stories - Bernard Cornwell
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bottom!Uhtred, Come play, Lube, M/M, Sneaky Sex, disrespecting holy places, holy oil as lube, holy oil is missing, teasing Alfred, the boys love each other, very naughty boys, where could it be?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:21:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24806119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solarlotus/pseuds/solarlotus
Summary: Finan and Uhtred are short of lube, Winchester has plenty of holy oil. What could possibly go wrong?
Relationships: Finan/Uhtred of Bebbanburg
Series: Bedtime Stories Collection [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1806517
Comments: 9
Kudos: 57





	Holy Oil

**Author's Note:**

> A sexy, silly little fic that is the fault of insomnia and my enablers who know who they are! This was fun to write, it was quick and unbetat'd so all mistakes are mine. Dipping my toe back into writing sexy times.

‘Shushh,’ Finan whispered. ‘You’ll be heard.’

‘I am a night walker, I will not be heard,’ Uhtred whispered back, a cocky smirk on his face as he stole into the chapel. Finan stood guard at the door nervously. There was no light except for a few torches in their sconces on the palace walls, but Uhtred made his way softly across the stone floor like a cat. He reached the alter and perused the ornate gold crucifix, silver chalice and intricately embroidered cloth atop it.

‘Hurry,’ Finan thought to himself. This was no time for the Dane in him to be eying up the prizes of Alfred’s chapel. Finally, Uhtred slipped to crouch beside the small wooden box behind the altar and lifted the lid, which seemed to creak loudly in the silent palace, he grabbed what they had come for, closed the lid and was swiftly at Finan’s side looking far too pleased with himself.

‘Stop looking at me like that,’ Finan chided.

‘We got what we came for,’ Uhtred grinned, walking backwards in front of Finan so he could tease him all the way back to their room.

Finan pushed Uhtred into the room roughly and barred the door, he was breathing heavily, lust and danger were a heady combination. Uhtred’s playful glee made Finan hard, it made him want to put Uhtred back in his place.

The room was dimly lit with a few candles burning low, Uhtred was already stripping out of his armour and passed Finan the little bottle of holy oil he had pilfered.

‘On your back,’ Finan growled, unlacing his trousers as Uhtred hopped on the bed. He pulled his jerkin off before covering Uhtred with his body, pressing their lips together, his tongue in Uhtred’s mouth.

‘Finan, please,’ Uhtred moaned parting his legs for his lover as Finan drizzled the oil between them.

‘You will be very, very blessed tonight, my darlin’,’ Finan crooned, kissing down Uhtred’s neck as he began to work him open.

~

**Two Weeks Later – Meeting of the Witan, Winchester**

‘Does anyone have any other business?’ Alfred called. He looked pained and was clearly keen to finish and go to his rooms. They had sat through nearly three hours of news of taxes, grain stores, petty disputes and a long report about the progress of the Saxon navy which nobody but Alfred and Uhtred found interesting. Uhtred found fault in every supposed progress and Alfred demanded his solutions. Uhtred’s solution was to put himself in charge of it all, which displeased the other ealdormen who muttered about a Viking fleet, so Uhtred sat down scowling and vowed never to sail such a ship.

‘I have a matter to discuss,’ Bishop Asser said, standing. Finan put his hand on Uhtred’s shoulder. Uhtred hated Bishop Asser who had tried to have him killed once and was a tiresome fool. Finan didn’t care for him either, anyone who had threated Uhtred’s life was his sworn enemy and the man was tedious arse wipe to boot.

‘Speak,’ Alfred said briskly. He would never turn down a request from one of his beloved priests.

‘There is a great calamity,’ Asser began dramatically. Uhtred and Finan looked at Aethelwold, who was rolling he eyes to the ceiling and they all sniggered.

‘The holy oil is going missing from the church, lord! Our sacred oil vanishes in the night and we are unable to perform the sacraments. I wish to ask permission to perform an exorcism on the whole palace.’

‘An exorcism, father?’ Alfred asked. ‘Do you not think it more likely the culprit is a thief of this world, rather than of the spiritual world?’

‘How is that possible, lord? What man would take holy oil?’ Asser then narrowed his eyes and looked at Uhtred. ‘Except the pagan!’ he hissed, as he pointed at Uhtred with venom.

‘Yes, Lord Uhtred is a pagan, despite my efforts, so he has no need for our holy oils. I believe the pagans have their own practices, I have studied their ways and I have never heard mention of christian holy oils.’

‘That is true, lord,’ Uhtred said, as Aethelwold silently laughed and Finan blushed.

‘As Uhtred is therefore the only one here who could have no need of holy oil, he will set a watch tonight. Uhtred, take your most trusted warrior and guard the chapel. Report what you see directly to me. We will get to the bottom of this.’

At that point Aethelwold fell off his chair, tears of laughter streaming down his face.

‘Are you quite well, nephew?’ Alfred asked.

‘He is well,’ Uhtred said, kicking Aethelwold. ‘I will take Finan. We will find the answer.’

‘I’m _sure_ you and Finan will find the answer,’ Aethelwold wheezed as Uhtred pulled him to his feet.

~

**Night time, Alfred’s chapel**

‘Are you sure the door is bolted?’ Finan asked.

‘Yes! Stop fussing, it’s just a building.’

‘It’s a church, Uhtred.’

‘It’s a building and a table. That is all.’

‘You have no respect for holy places,’ Finan sighed, but he didn’t sound bothered.

‘I have lots of respect for holy places, your cock, your mouth…’ Finan grabbed him and silenced him with a kiss.

‘You need shutting up, Uhtred of Bebbenbugh.’ Finan kissed him deeply again, pushing him back towards the altar, bending him over it.

‘Do me, here,’ Uhtred said desperately. ‘Every time I have to sit here and listen to them telling me I’m a heathen, every time they make me sit here for hours listening to some priest droning on I want to remember you taking me on their altar.’

‘Oh god, yes, yes,’ Finan gasped, hurriedly undoing his trousers as Uhtred stripped his away. ‘I hate priests, sanctimonious pricks, I want to do you where they’ll be standing telling us we’re sinners.’

Uhtred laughed. Finan spun him around so he was facing the table and bent him over, kneeling down to bite at each perfect arse cheek in turn before kneading them. He reached around and gave Uhtred’s stiff cock a stroke.

‘God, you want it, don’t you, darlin’,’ Finan whispered, standing to kiss behind Uhtred’s ear.

Uhtred closed his eyes, he was no longer a lord or ealdorman, he was Finan’s darlin'. His wrists pinned to an altar table by strong, muscular arms, Finan had grabbed the holy oil, which was being worked into his hole and his legs were kicked further apart as sharp teeth nibbled his neck, but he had never felt freer or more alive.

‘Finan, my love, Finan,’ he murmured. A string of nonsense and endearments tumbled out of Uhtred’s mouth as Finan slowly fucked into him, still pining him down, kissing and nibbling at his neck. It was so tight and good, so so good. Finan was faster now, pounding him harder, the way he needed it, the way Finan knew he needed it, Finan called him darlin’ and wrapped one arm round his chest, the other round his cock. Finan was so strong, Uhtred let himself be held and fucked and stroked and they came together.

They fell forward, resting for a moment, catching their breath. Finan’s hand was sticky, but he didn’t care. He slipped out of Uhtred and knelt down between Uhtred’s open legs and watched his release trickle out, swiping his thumb through it.

‘Here’ Uhtred said, handing him the altar cloth to wipe his sticky hand.

‘I can’t wipe spunk on an altar cloth!’ Finan said, appalled.

‘It’s white?’ Uhtred said, shrugging.

‘Jesus… no, Uhtred.’ Finan pulled Uhtred closer and wiped his hand on Uhtred’s underwear instead. ‘Now that is for such an unholy suggestion.’

‘Finan, you just fucked me senseless on an altar, I think it’s a bit late for unholy suggestions.’

~

**The next morning**

‘So, did you catch the thief?’ Alfred asked. He stood in the chapel with Aelswith, who as usual looked like she was chewing a wasps’ nest.

Uhtred looked at Finan and Finan smiled. ‘Lord, there was an almighty crash in the night and we were afeared for our lives. We did clutch each other in fright and I felt the holy spirit upon me, it moved deep within me. This place is indeed touched with something special.’

Alfred looked from Finan to Uhtred, who wore his usual insolent smirk. ‘Bishop Asser says the oil is depleted this morning.’

‘As Finan says, the spirits moved last night,’ Uhtred shrugged.

Fury swept over Alfred’s face like a storm coming in. ‘Out!’ he shouted at Uhtred. ‘I will not have you here.’

‘I did as you asked, lord,’ Uhtred replied calmly.

‘I know what you did!’

‘And what is that, lord?’ Uhtred challenged. Aelswith looked on, her pursed lips and frown now more puzzled than disapproving.

‘You know, Uhtred Ragnarson, you are a sinner and a heathen and you will never change. You will take your men and go back to Coccham to you _wife_ , where I pray you will find redemption, though I doubt it.’

‘As you wish, lord,’ Uhtred said with a nod of his head. ‘My wife will be so pleased to have me home. And Finan, she misses us dearly.’

Finan stood behind Uhtred trying to suppress his laughter. He thought the veins in Alfred’s temple might burst.

‘Finan,’ Alfred said after a few moments, turning away from Uhtred. ‘You are under Lord Uhtred’s command, but that does not mean you cannot instruct him in Christian ways, that you cannot try to teach him. If he tries to put the devil in you again you must resist and put your faith in the lord.’

‘Yes, lord, I will not let him put the devil in me. I’ll put it right back where it came,’ Finan said, using every ounce of will not to laugh as Alfred stared at Uhtred’s tight trousers now he had his back turned.

‘Dismissed,’ Alfred snapped, turning away, with Aelswith still looking utterly bemused.

~

‘It was your fault for lying to him,’ Uhtred said as they rode at a steady pace on the road to Coccham.

‘Well what did you want me to say?’ Finan said.

‘He knows when someone’s lying. He always knows.’

‘You’re right, you should have said you felt something moving deep inside you, that would have been true,’ Finan sniggered.

‘But, you, my friend, are definitely no holy spirit.’

They both burst out laughing.


End file.
